Recipe Gross
by constantgrey
Summary: Dark gets mad at Daisuke and decides to take revenge by playing a prank. He finds a recipe for a cookie called 'Gross'. Will Daisuke face food poisoning? Or will he be immune to moldy food? Oneshot. Please R


Recipe Gross

by rainbowglitter

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Disclaimer: I do not own D.N.Angel.

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-from Dark's P.O.V.-

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Day 1—sweet revenge

I was telling Daisuke this story of when I was younger (as in, in someone else's body), and ya know what? He _laughed_. A.t. m.e.. At ME, the great phantom thief Dark.

Well, I thought, "How dare he!" I knew I was right in the matter—he had no right to laugh at me like that, especially since I was being serious. For once.

So I decided to pull a prank on him. That would show him. **I**'m the boss around here. **I**'m the king of young girls' hearts. And **I** should be the one laughing!

-cough- Anyway, I was very ticked off. I spent Day 1 preparing the ingredients to my extra-special revenge. It took 5 hours of prying to finally get a hold of our shared body. It took another hour for me to find and read the recipe to 'Gross' in the Cookie section of Emiko's cookbook. Yup, I was going to sneak a gross cookie into Daisuke's lunch. The idea wasn't all that great, I admit, but it was all I had access to. By then, Daisuke had started kicking and shouting, saying, "What was the big idea?" in keeping him away for so long. I guessed he was suspicious.

Suspicious? Of moi? Why would he be…? … … Hehe…

So, with plan A Day 1 complete, I settled in the back of his mind and let him take over.

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Day 2--gummies

I had to abate his suspicions somehow. So, on Day 2, I did nothing at all, except on our thieving excursion. The prize we had to steal was a famous piece by some sculptor. I don't know. It sparkled a lot, though; it mesmerized me. And I was sure Emiko would be delighted.

I took it without too much trouble. The guards and policemen were a mess without their leader, Satoshi Hiwatari. It was too easy dodging them, slipping past them, and tripping their feet when the lights went out. They never learn.

On the way back, I saw some kid sneaking out of bed and wandering the streets. I figured he was going to rob the candy store or somethin', which reminded me of my gross cookie. I don't know how I connected the kid to the cookie, but for some reason, I did.

That night, it was all I could do to keep Daisuke's suspecting stare away from me. Although he "technically" couldn't see me, I could feel daggers protruding from his eyes, warning me not to do anything funny.

And I normally wouldn't listen, so this time, I didn't either. It wouldn't be too bad for Daisuke—it was just a damn cookie. Not like it would kill him. All he had to bear was a little bad taste. On the other hand, **I** had to endure _laughing_ and his poking fun at me.

It doesn't sound fair, does it?

That's right-- so I decided to increase the payback by one brown gummy worm. It shall be squirming in his rice.

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Day 3—hidden cameras

I felt it was too long since I had last done anything for my Plan (which I now dubbed Plan B, since I changed it a little). I waited until Daisuke was asleep and I was in control to slip into the kitchen and gather ingredients.

The recipe said I needed a giant baking tray, cookie cutters, and cookie dough that I had to make all by my lonesome. When I had everything I needed, I hid whatever I could under my shirt and carried the rest to Daisuke's room. This was my way of smuggling. I know—it's not very classy, but what's a guy to do without using his dark power? If I used a spell, Daisuke would surely notice, since I would be draining his energy. Then why not carry it all, you ask? Well, who knows how many hidden cameras there are in the Niwa house! Even _I_ didn't know.

I stuffed whatever could fit underneath the bed. The rest, I dumped on the roof from the balcony and hoped that it wouldn't rain soon.

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Day 4—cooking class

Ah… the day for making and baking. Unfortunately, Daisuke had an activity after school, so my project would have to be postponed.

Daisuke stayed after school for some cooking lesson. Ha! As if I would ever need a thing like that!

He was wondering why Miss Younger Harada looked different right now. I could barely restrain myself from a laughing fit. _Goodness,_ was he _dense!_

He kind of shifted from foot to foot, looking embarrassed for not knowing the difference. He still didn't know, and when he asked me, I didn't tell him. Now, _normally_ I would help him out, but this was a special circumstance. I was still peeved at him, and my cookie plan was still rolling.

By day 4, I wasn't all that mad at him anymore. It was more the thrill of playing a prank that drove me to continue. It wasn't him, really. Okay, well, it _was,_ but I already forgave him. Still, he needed to be punished.

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Day 5—squid? or shellfish?

I spent a good half of the morning wondering why my plan was taking so long to enact.

It had taken me a half hour to understand the recipe, and it wasn't all that complicated. What was wrong with me? I, the Great Phantom Thief Dark, should have memorized it in a second. I guessed this showed I was human. But I wasn't human, not _completely_. So what was I, then-- a squid?

Hm… Squid… I wondered how that would taste in a sushi…

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Day 6--gross

I realized I had spent all of yesterday in an identity crisis. But now that it was over, I could move in for the kill. Today would be the day I COOKED. I've never actually cooked before, so I hoped my food would look something like… food….

Both Emiko and Towa were out shopping. Daiki steered clear of the kitchen, since he had other things to do, like reading the newspaper or something. Kosuke was outside, tending the garden.

It was the perfect time for me to act.

I persuaded Daisuke to go take a nap. He acceded quite easily, since he was probably tired from doing Miss Harada's chores at school. I waited until he was sound asleep, and then I retrieved the cooking gear from his room. Thankfully, the stuff on the roof didn't get wet.

I began to cook. I tasted the dough, and it wasn't all that bad; which was bad, since I was plotting to gross out Daisuke. My plan wasn't going very well. I added a little salt and pepper, like Miss Younger Harada did to her lunches. It tasted a little worse when I added it, I thought.

Anyway, I had to bake quickly or the Niwas would return. I wasn't too worried about Emiko and Towa, since they were shop-a-holics. However, Daisuke's grandfather made a few tea or snack trips every day. My only hope was that he was either sound asleep or dead. No, I shouldn't be thinking of that. I should focus on my new creation—the Gross Cookie.

When I finished baking, I reviewed the batch, inspecting them with sight, smell, and taste.

The cookies looked okay, which was great. They smelled edible too. Now for the horrible bit—they tasted fine, too. I almost cried. What did I do wrong?

Like the instructions said, I had baked them for the proper time, had cut them in 144 equally-sized pieces (they were suspiciously small), and had let them cool before removing them from the tray-pan thing.

Oh, well. I didn't have time to think. Kosuke was coming back in. I sprayed some fragrance in the air, so he wouldn't know I had been baking. Or was it bug spray?

I had cleaned up earlier, when the cookies were baking, since I was bored. All I had to do was hide the baking tray and stuff the cookies in a mundane bag.

Plan completed. I grabbed the cookie bag and ran to Daisuke's room. I felt Daisuke start to wake.

I scribbled a note, "Please eat," on a card and dropped it in the bag with the cookies. Then I put the package in Daisuke's backpack—somewhere he would see it—and checked my appearance in the mirror. No flour, no cookie crumbs anywhere. Good.

Maybe 'Gross' Cookie was a super-molding cookie.

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Day 7

This day shouldn't count, since my Plan was actually over. But still, every good story with _me_ as the hero should have an epilogue.

First of all, the Niwas ran out of gummies. I also learned that gummies were usually colorful and not brown.

Daisuke did eat the cookies, and he thought they were quite nice. Hm… Not good. But what did I care anymore? I _cooked_:3

Daisuke wondered who made them. He even asked _me_, of all people, what I thought. I nudged him with a mental wink and a smile, "Maybe it was a Harada…?"

He turned red at this, and I started laughing. A real, good laugh. Daisuke got mad at me, of course, but what did I care? I cooked!  
:D v


End file.
